What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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