What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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