What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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