What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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