What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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