What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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