What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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