What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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