What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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