What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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