What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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