What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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