What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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