What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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