What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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