What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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