What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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