What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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