What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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