What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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