What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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