What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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