What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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