What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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