What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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