What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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