What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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