What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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