What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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