What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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