What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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