What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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