What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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