What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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