What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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