What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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