What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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