What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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