What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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