What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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