What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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