What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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