What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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