What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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