What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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