What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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