What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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