What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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