What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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