What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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