What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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