What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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