What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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