What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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