What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).


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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?

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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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