What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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