What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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