What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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