What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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