What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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