What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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