What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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