What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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