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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?
"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?
A crookodile
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?
To see how long he slept.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.
Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they don't know the words.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?
Ask Cheese.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?
Carlos.
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