What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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