What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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