What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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