What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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