What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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