What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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