What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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