What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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