What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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