What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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