What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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