What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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