What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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