What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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