What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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