What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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