What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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