What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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