What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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