What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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