What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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