What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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