What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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