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What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that's just nuts
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.
It was sole destroying.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?
A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
Saint Nickel-less.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?
A swordfish
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?
Bugs Bunny.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?
Because he wanted to tie the score!
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