What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish

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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.

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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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