What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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