What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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