What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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