What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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