What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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