What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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