What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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