What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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