What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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