What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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