What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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