What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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