What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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