What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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