What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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