What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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