What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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