What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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