What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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