What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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