What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.

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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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