What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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