What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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