What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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