What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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