What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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