What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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