What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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