What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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