What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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