What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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