What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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