What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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