What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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