What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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