What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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