Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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